Uncharted Territory

What is it with affairs? In my more idealistic days I couldn't understand the need for them. I thought the whole purpose of a relationship was finding someone who was the complete package of what you were looking for. That and I always figured how could you cheat on someone you loved?

The first time I was cheated on I was devastated. It was early on in one of my first serious relationships. For the first time I was head over heels, way more into her earlier than she was into me, and I had known of her past cheating habits. All too obviously, it was with the old flame she used to cheat on a previous boyfriend with.

That night was indescribable. I felt numb, almost like reality had ceased. A moment where I felt shock and a lack of surprise all at once.


I spent that night wondering where she was. My phone calls weren't answered, and in my gut, I assumed the worst. Of course, the gut instinct never lies. When I saw her, the tension began. The questions of where she was and what had happened burning until I learned the sickening truth. I lost it and in a drunken haze which I don't remember, I forced her to take a shower with me, wanting to clean away the sickness. In the morning we fucked.

She lay in bed with me, she told me about her past, how fucked up her relationships had been. How men had taken advantage of her at a young age. How she had been molested, how she had cheated, how sex was so fucked up for her. I listened, and then I climbed on top of her, both of us naked. My hands began massaging her pussy, feeling it become wet under my touch.

"I want to come." She kept saying, I was still drunk and shocked from the previous nights events. I reached down and guided my cock inside her. "I want to come" she kept moaning. I started fucking her, telling her to come for me, fucking her all the while knowing another man's cock had been fucking her hours before.

I showed her the door and sat down at my desk. Shocked. I didn't know what to think. We reconciled. This happened in spring, and that summer we moved away together for a sort of vacation. Eventually it would lead to Christmas time, when she would cheat on me again. Fucking an ex two days before Christmas.



So I had always had a distaste of affairs. After my relationship with B, I thought they were the most repugnant thing you could do.


Immediately after our final breakup starting the New Year, weeks after she had cheated again, and we had drifted apart for good, I was a complete wreck. Like any man scorned, I threw myself into single life, a cacophony of drinking, fucking, and regretting. I spent a summer losing myself, seeking meaning through the meaningless.

Eventually, I'll tell all about my summer of self abuse through sex. When I really learned I couldn't make love anymore and how all I knew to do was fuck.